Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Tegan's Words of Wisdom for Women

Most importantly, love your friends. They are a blessing.

OK so it's been about a million years since I posted and I'm so sorry but the truth is I just don't really know what to do with this blog anymore. When I first started it I was like omg fashion, but now I'm more into general writing and just posting about cool stuff I find that interests me, so I hope you guys are alright with that. We'll see how it goes.


As you may know from my last post, I turned eighteen this year. Of course, I am still young and there is still a lot that I don't know about the world. But, I thought I might share with you some of the things I have learned from the years of awkward adolescence.

18 Words of Wisdom for Women:

1.) Never jump over pointy objects. You  may think you can clear it, you may think it will be hilarious and cool... but it won't be. Don't you fucking tempt fate. All that will happen is that your precious virginity will be snatched from you in a ridiculous way that you can't even explain to doctors without getting looked at like you're on Jeremy Kyle or some shit. Seriously people will be like 'omg what the hell were you thinking'. Ugh. Not pleasant.

2.) Don't have sex on a full stomach. You won't enjoy it. Moreover, save it for somebody you love. Trust me, it will be nicer. 

3.) Don't try and be somebody you're not. Ugh yeah I know we've all heard this one a million times, but seriously you'll do it without realising. Personally, I sort of had to pretend to be someone I wasn't because I was in a long term relationship and I was in a crowd of people that would judge. But in reality you should surround yourself with people who will love you even if you can quote the whole of Mean Girls and get your homework done by listening to Destiny's Child. Find a boyfriend/friends who will actually sit through Mean Girls with you and quote along, find people you can be yourself around cos seriously that is how you enjoy life.

4.) If a guy makes you cry more than twice a month, for LEGIT REASONS to be upset about (come on I know we all get menstrual and cry for stupid shit but I mean real shit) THEN GET RID OF HIM. That's the golden rule. You can't just laugh it off and label yourself as 'the girl who cries all the time' like it's funny, cos actually you may as well label yourself 'the girl whose life is shit'. Find a guy who doesn't make you cry, and who instead respects you and makes you happy. Remember - twice a month, AND HE'S OUT.

5.) It's OK to not do drugs, even if everybody else is. I have a personal hatred of drugs, and so even if I'm around people who are doing it I just don't get involved cos it's not worth it. I hate the idea of young girls having a shit night cos they got pressured into doing drugs. Just no OK, they are gross. I mean I know you're gonna want to try them but if you hated it, you've had the experience, now learn from it and leave it alone. That's what I did.

6.) Don't go out with someone just cos they like you, and you feel flattered. It won't work, and people will get hurt. Just chill out and wait for the right person who gives you butterflies. I mean for Christ's sake, it aint the Victorian period. Get fishing, bitch.

7.) Learn a foreign language as early as you can, and make sure you encourage your kids to do it early in life. If you yourself speak a foreign language RAISE THAT CHILD BILINGUALLY, even if they tell you they don't want to cos what the fuck do they know, when they are older they will use it to their advantage and they will thank you. I was that kid, I convinced my Dad to stop raising me bilingually and now I have to learn French all over again, when I could just be fluent and fabulous right now. Ugh. So do it.

8.) Read books for fuck's sake. They will make you a more imaginative person and give you a broader perspective on the world and life.

9.) Sometimes it's best to just leave it. You may feel like you have more to say, but take a step back and analyse the situation and ask yourself if it is really worth escalating things.

10.) You're gonna meet some dickheads in your lifetime. The best thing to do is be the bigger person and not let them get to you, cos otherwise they've won. Like I'm sure that's what Beyonce does. Alternatively, I don't think you can go to prison for punching someone. Although you could get in trouble. OK, yeah, go with the being the better person thing. Always a winner.

11.) You might think that making a video parodying a pathetic bitch fight would be hilarious, and you wouldn't be wrong, but the chances are if you are in college/school you will probably get suspended so best just to laugh about it behind their backs.

12.) Fingers and doors just don't mix OK they just don't, be safe with that.

13.) Pee before and after having sex to prevent cystitis cos seriously ain't nobody got time for dat. And if you do get it, IT CAN BE CONQUERED IN A DAY. You could be clubbing by the end of the day if you just KEEP DRINKING WATER AND PEEING LIKE EVERY TEN MINUTES.

14.) If things get tough, there's always friends (and alcohol... ahahaha I'm kidding, friends. But also alcohol. Alcohol and friends. In safe amounts.)

15.) Invest in a pair of black wedges cos they go with everything and are less painful than heels. Or alternatively, glittery trainers go down well in the club and are mega comfy so you can GET YO TWERK ON (or awkward white girl dance lol whichever)

16.) If you ever have to pee in a pot for some kind of test... just deal with the amount you have first time. Trust me.

17.) How to master awkward time gaps - you know when you're walking along and you see someone you kinda know but not like on BFF terms, so you can't run up and hug them, but you have to wait for the right moment to do a smile and maybe a wave? And there's that awkward wait?
-OK, so first thing to do is pretend you have not seen them yet. Cos when you smile it has to be like you're surprised to see them.
-If you're listening to music, you're CLEARLY scrolling looking for a new song.
-If you've got your phone, you KNOW you are SO texting someone mega important as you walk along. Even though you'll probably just be scrolling through apps or composing a message to your mum lol.
-If you have no devices to your disposal to 'distract you', then pretend you're looking at something mega cool across the street, or are in your own world, or look at your feet and then at the right moment BAM look up like oh hey omg didn't see you smile, smile, maybe a 'hey' aaaaand back to your walk.


Peace out and be safe,

Tegan xo


Paige said...

Your hilarious and i really loved reading this! Some really real and important tips, if you enjoy writing about what you enjoy keep doing it! :-) x

Charlotte said...

Tegan, you are SO GREAT!!!!
Haha, I just enjoyed reading your advice, it made me laugh and think, wow. Thanks for that and keep on like this! And yeah, it is okay to change one's blog direction or intention, I did that as well. I keep on being your fan :D

Bridie Scott said...

HAHA omg I love this. I can relate to you so much on nearly every point you've made ha! Number 14 - friends and alcohol is a great combo when things get tough, believe me... I've been there too sister. And the black wedges? jeez you read my mind, they're the only shoes I ever wear! love it x

Rebecca said...

Aww Tegan man I've missed you! This post was so funny! xx

Kelly said...

Haha lovely post! (: